Old Testament Letters to Advice Columnist 5

Dear Ann,

I am afraid my husband David is loosing his mind.
  
Yesterday he was out with the boys conquering the neighbors, and then on the way home he just stripped down naked as a jay-bird.  

I just don't understand him at all.

Embarrased

Old Testament Letters to Advice Columnist 4

Dear Ann,

My wife Eve recently stays out late.  

She says she is shopping for clothes.  

What are clothes?

Sincerely Puzzled,

Adam

Harley Davidson Tanks

Our farm had a large shed where odds and ends were stored.

I remember two sleighs were there.

An old mower or two.

Our Model A Ford.

The building had been constructed of rough-sawn cottonwood boards.

I suppose that when built, the boards were nailed next to each other - horizontally.

But, as they dried, they shrank, leaving large gaps.

It also had a dirt floor.

This is important to the story because, for some reason, I began digging one day.

There, I unearthed two tanks - both with caps.

I learned that one was a fuel tank and the other an oil tank - for a Harley Davidson motorcycle - probably 1914.

Dig as I might, nothing else appeared.

Dad thought the rest may have gone to a scrap metal drive during WWII.

I still have the tanks.

1914 Maxwell

Hunting in the woods I often detoured around the remains of an old car.

It was said to have been owned by my grandfather.

Much of it was gone, but most of the engine, the radiator, the drivetrain,  parts of the wheels, as well as the frame remained.

I used a home-made tractor received from my Uncle to drag it home.

It is a 1914 Maxwell.

I am hoping some day someone will want it in exchange for doing some work on our 1929 Model A Ford.

Let me know in the Comments if you are interested!

The Perfect Weapon

Let's say you want to design the perfect weapon some afternoon.

What would it look like?

It might look a lot like Covid 19.

1.  You don't know you have it for 2 weeks.

2.  Symptoms are mild at first.

3.  You can party with your friends, passing it to them without their knowing it....at least for a while.

4.  Passing it on is effortless.

5.  Many recover, so you don't worry about it too much...at first.

6.  You know being tested will be free - (but, surprise,  treatment is not!)

7.   Someone will develop a shot for it.....someday.

8.  Maybe in time to save your life.

Covid 19 Virus

My sister-in-law is also our next door neighbor....a wonderful neighbor.

She is a nurse of many years working in the county Health Department.

Her job has taken a very serious turn - screening folks for the virus.

We are proud of her.

We worry for her.

We are thankful for her.

Old Testament Letters to Advice Columnist 3

Dear Ann,

I think there's something fishy going on with my husband, Jonah. 

I'm worried.

Old Testament Letters to Advice Columnist 2

Dear Ann,

My husband Moses refuses to stop and ask directions.  

Should I say anything?

Patient Wife

Neanderthal

My junior and senior years of college were spent in Northfield, Minnesota at Saint Olaf College.

I remember, around 1965, moving between classes in a hallway.  

I briefly caught sight of of very unusual person:

A man in what appeared to be English dress complete with tweed jacket - but a Neanderthal!  

I did not stare, but it remains a memory, some 55 years later.

Old Testament Letters to Advice Columnist 1

Dear Ann,

I'm only 570 years old, but I don't seem to have the energy I had when in my 400's.  

What can I do?

Exhausted

Cruel Jokes

Many years ago, cruel jokes were circulating.
I can only remember (3):

"Mommy, Mommy!
Why am I going in circles?"
"Shut Up - or I'll nail your other shoe to the floor!"

"Mommy, Mommy!
Why are we going to Europe?"
"Shut Up - and keep swimming!"

"Mommy, Mommy!
Why are we pushing our brand new car over a cliff?"
"Shut Up - you'll wake up Daddy!"

Vapo-Rub

Applying Vapo-Rub to my feet accomplished one thing:

Cats now find me attractive.

Death

We all die......don't we?

How about that guy in the Old Testament who "got taken up"?

And how about those in the Bible who got raised from the dead.  Did they die again later?  Seems kinda a shame, if so.

What if you lived to be 50 (for example) - and then moved somewhere where no one knew you?
There you lived to be 60 - but still appeared to be - and were -50 - and then moved again.
If you kept moving,  no one would notice that you did not age.

Hmmmm.

Could be that new neighbor who just moved in....

Want to be a Cat Magnet?

Put VapoRub on your feet!

Place of Residence

Several years ago, a lady in Minnesota was asked where her nephew was living.

"Vell, I tink he is in Minneapolis.   No, it vas Delute.  Or maybe.....
Vell, I know he is Someplace!"

Bible Wisdom

Lars, who had grown up in rural Minnesota, spoke both Norwegian and English.

He had driven his car (De Dodge) into town one day and when he returned, relayed this story:

"I vas into Hauser's Hardvare, and der vas Charlie Hanson.  He vas talking to some guy about de Bible.

After a little vile I valked up to Charlie and I said, "Charlie.  I have yust been reading that part dat you are talking about.  I haven't seen anyting like vat you are saying."

Den Charlie says, "Vell, you know Lars, you got to read betveen de lines!"

And I says, "But Charlie, I don't know vat vords I should put betveen de lines!""

Chest Pains

Several years ago, my wife's grandfather was having chest pains.

The family wasted no time in heading for the hospital.

However, Grandpa insisted on taking a detour into Lee's Famous Recipe Fried Chicken on the way.

There is no sense in taking a chance on hospital food.

Importance of Education

My father, a teacher, reported this comment from the mother of a student:

"I told my boy, "If you ain't got high school,  you ain't got nottin!""